relationships

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Running scared from love…

I don’t know how to explain this properly or eloquently so I’m sorry if this entry stops making sense, oh about five lines from now. Love is a difficult thing to write about and explain properly as it differs from person to person. This world is built on those four letters: l-o-v-e. There are many different kinds such as the feelings you have for family and friends, for a certain, special someone and then there is the love you have for yourself. Each one encompasses different emotions and feelings but they are all labeled with the same word: LOVE.

Now I know everyone’s reaction to this word varies and can be complex sometimes. Some people crave for the right person to whisper this word into their earlobe as they’re bodies are intertwined. Others see it as a normality for their partner and friends to keep reminding them of how special they are to them. And some squirm back into their shell before getting too close to someone, pull their hood over their head and run scared for the furthest mountain. Everyone has their own reaction to this complex, sometimes frustrating, sometimes joyous experience.

What I’m trying to figure out is how on one hand you can want to feel this passionate, breath-taking, heart-wrenching, skin tingling sensation, how you can dream up the most romantic scenarios and fall asleep wishing for this significant other to find you. And yet, run into hiding when at the mere thought of this closeness. Just thinking about holding hands with a guy and calling this person my ‘boyfriend’ has me shaking my head in fear. To my core, I honestly feel over-whelmed at the thought and know that I prefer being solo for a while longer. I have been working intensely on the unique love that I have for myself and slowly but surely I’m getting there. But thinking about opening up to someone else, sharing intimate moments with them, is too much.

I deeply believe that one day I want to experience the most perfect of fairy-tales and simply be swept of my feet in euphoria but that time is not now. That time must wait as I quiver at the thought of any of these feelings momentarily. They scare me and I’m not afraid to admit it. However, I do wonder when I will be ready or when I will know that the time is right. I guess it will all depend on the right person stepping into my life and me braving creeping out from underneath my hood and shaking that fear. But for now, let me run scared a while more…

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Frustrating innocence

Yesterday when I was chatting to my house-mates and said something along the lines of “girls also have needs, boys aren’t the only ones who enjoy sex”, they looked at me like I was promiscuous and crazy. Just because they’re both barely legal and have never experienced good sex, they shouldn’t have the right to judge me. Sexual intercourse is usually an act of love between two people who have feelings for each other but nowadays, society has changed this stereotype. Men are allowed to have one-night-stands and the following morning exchange high-fives with their buddies with regards to the chick they slept with. But women, oh no, for women it’s not socially acceptable to sleep around as that rewards you with an ugly nickname and shrewd glances.

Yet women also enjoy the sensations that accompany sex. We don’t always get attached to the person we sleep with so why shouldn’t we be allowed to find someone attractive, sleep with them, and then never call them? For some their innocence restrains them, for others the sense that its not ‘right’ and the rest come up with their own equally valid excuses for not sleeping around. Maybe we should embrace the ‘we only live once’ clause here, or else at least go with the ‘have fun while your young’ rule. Whichever one, I feel there should be the same rules for women as for men with regards to sex and we shouldn’t be judged too harshly for a desire that spreads across our loins.

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Love is a drug!

Here are some quotes that I personally find heart-warming and romantic:

“I need to make you happy, for me to even have a shot at being happy” – from He’s just not that into you.

“Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well that’s fabulous” – from Sex and the City.

“ I’m looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can’t-live-without-each-other love” – from Sex and the City.

“Soul mate: two little words, one big concept. A belief that someone, somewhere, is holding the key to your heart” – from Sex and the City.

So yes, love is out there and everyone finds it a different time in their lives. It can come in different shapes and forms and sometimes we don’t even know that we are in love until we do or say something really stupid. But we gotta keep trying. Love will happen at the most inconvenient time, when you least expect it or when you are least inclined for it. You simply have to go with it and see what kind of roller-coaster it takes you on. Let it bring a smile to your face, butterflies to your tummy and a warm, content haze around you!

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Why boyfriend’s are not a necessity but still desired…

So you are in a loving relationship with your partner? He adores you and makes you happy? Well, all I can say to that is – fantastic! I’m thrilled for you and your fortune. But not everyone has that ‘one-special-someone’ in their lives. Or else they think they have found the person but can’t be with them for some bizarre reason. Or the relationship between them isn’t a happy one. Whatever the reasons, there are many, many thousands of men and women who are single right at this very minute.

But the real question is, are these people happy on their own or do they desperately want and search for a partner? Maybe we should address the matter of why partners are so desired. To be honest, everyone has their own reasons for wanting a boy-or-girlfriend but the most common one’s include: *to have someone to love, *for someone to love and appreciate them and show it openly, *for comfort and safety, *for companionship, *to help them be happy, *to entertain them, *for purely physical needs, *to have the stereotypically romantic relationship, *to start a family…… etc. (that’s as many as I can think of for now).

Right, so there are many reasons why we don’t want to be on our own and I guess ‘companionship’ and to not be lonely are driving forces for finding a partner. But shouldn’t we be able to live singly without needing these things? For comfort in bed, go buy yourself a teddy bear and cuddle him at night. For entertainment, seriously, pick up new hobbies. For love, look at your parents, family and friends and see how they appreciate having you in their life and how you enrich it. For safety, lock your doors at night and buy an alarm. For physical needs, have a one night stand, or several. But companionship is the hardest one to fulfil.

Your friends and relatives can only do so much to spend time with you but eventually you will be alone. My brother once said ‘everyone is an island’ and that’s the way it always will and should be. You have to be your own entity, happy in your own skin and living your dreams before you can let some other person come and share some of that island paradise with you. If you as an individual are not comfortable, safe, happy, entertaining, you sure as hell won’t find those things in a relationship. Your happiness comes from yourself and only you can control it.

But yes, loneliness and companionship. Feeling the warmth of someone breathing down your neck at night, waking up to the smell of someone making you coffee, having someone to share your days events with and simply knowing that this one person will be there to console you during bad times and rejoice with you in the good is an incredible feeling. A partner should never be taken for granted. If you have one, tell them you love them and know how lucky you are. If you don’t, don’t despair! For now you will have to turn to friends for help and just let life lead its course. One day life will bring that person into your life.